why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
