as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
