I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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