plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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