His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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