She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
