apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
