covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to calm my uterus...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
