dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
be right there i have to get my cape
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
