I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
