is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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