1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
where are you?
Hypothermia
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
