I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
BRING THE BAGELS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
