If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
