I'm going to jail i love you
so that wasnt chicken after all
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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