So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
