Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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