Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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