I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
