Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
