He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
