Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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