How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
