that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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