just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
