I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
