so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
