did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
