the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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