captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
