at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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