I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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