You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
