are you still at the devil's house?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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