then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
