Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
