I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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