The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
