Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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