Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
