When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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