Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
