there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
