Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
