he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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