Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
