i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
