maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
