don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
