can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
