I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
